No looking back

So you want to prepare them for school. Make them feel comfortable with new routine, the new classroom, the new teacher, new friends..... Hey, but they can at least look back! Austin is the Power Ranger back pack kid and Hunter is the head directly on top of Austin's. He has a Darth Vader back pack that is not really visible because of the unusually large cranium his brother carries on his shoulders.

Those kids were ready. Hunter was a little skeptical. A litte on the stressed side. Wanted to eat an eggo in the car (yes on top of the breakfast he had in the house), and really I think just wanted a different prop for the pictures other than back pack and lunch box. A smile would have been nice, but he would not give one up, no matter how many eggos I bribed him with.

As always, Austin had a lot of smiles in him. He was so psyched about school. The teacher had a sign in front of the classroom letting parents know that she would have the kids line up and that no parents should come in the class, that the good-bye's should be outside to make the transition smoother. Well, Austin WOWed the other parents when he read the sign completely to us, only fumbling on the word parents. Hey, I was WOWed too.

Yup, this is the biggest before school smile I could get out of Hunter.

Most of the morning he looked more like this. Can you say stress-ville! He asked me to sit in the car in the parking lot all day to wait for him to finish school. I explained I would be back to get him, and be very early to make sure he didn't have to wait.

This is what I found on his face when I came to pick him up. Much better. He was happy the day was not too long (3 hours and 20 minutes). Just enough time for Mmommy to cry, Daddy to hug her, blink and pick the kids up.

Yup, he enjoyed the day. At least he said so. Ofcourse, Austin 1st greeted me with big smiles and nothing but happy comments. A bit later in the day when I asked about their day for the 100th time, Austin finally fessed up. The dialogue went something like this.

"Guys, tell me more about school. Did you make new friends? Did you like your teacher? Did you have a good time?"

(Austin)

"Well, mom..... It was the worst day of our lives."

(mom)

"Really? Now why is that?"

(Austin)

"Well.... I have to raise my hand to talk, and wait for my turn to talk, and stay quiet when we are working.... Mom, (pause) I can't breathe when my mouth is closed."

Yup, just like his Mama. Can't stop talking. It's like breath and air to me. Austin got that from me.

Now that a week has gone by, to them it's like they've always been there. They have new buddies, new playground wounds, fun art work for the fridge and BIG smiles when I pick them up.

Yes, they survived the 1st week, but I barely did. I'm a miserable mess. Not just because my babies are now school boys. Not just because I had to send the 2 away at the same time. Not just because I won't ever repeat one of my children's 1st day of Kindergarten. Not just because I am a working mom. Nope. Honestly, I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it is the whole package. A demanding job. Both babies now in school. Too much to do, not enough time. Working crazy obscene hours to be able to play a more active role in my kids' lives. Messy house and not enough time to find a good house keeper. I don't know, I'm just a pathetic mess. Blubbering here and there for no reason. Choking up each time I pick up my kids. It's not PMS, wrong time for that. I just don't know. I think about all the other kids I will never have, when really all I wanted are 2.

I can barely handle Mike being gone for a day's work without wanting to cry. I call him like 10 times a day with nothing new to say. He's been a doll. Just chatting with me even though he was in a major project crunch. When he's driving to the supply house or a hardware store, he calls and talks to me on the drive. He calls me on the drive home, or when they take their lunch break. He tells me non-stop he appreciates all I do. He leaves at 4:30 in the morning and gets home after 5 at night, and still jumps up to do the after dinner dishes. He makes me laugh when I'm crying. You couldn't ask for a more supportive man. Thanks, Mike, for seeing me through this time.

I guess I need to adopt the kids' attitude. Face it all head on and not look back. Go in stressed and worried, but go at it, none the less. Hey, I just may come out smiling.